The emotional cost of bullying: information for parents,
carers, young people and anyone who works with them
About this factsheet
This is one in a series of factsheets for parents, teachers
and young people entitled Mental Health and Growing Up.
These aim to provide practical, up-to-date information about mental
health problems (emotional, behavioural and psychiatric disorders)
that can affect children and young people. This factsheet looks in
detail at what bullying is and how it can affect young people. It
also gives some practical advice for parents and teachers
about how they can help a young person who is being bullied.
Introduction
What is bullying?
Bullying happens when a child is picked on by another child or
group of children. It is hurtful and deliberate. It can happen in
many different ways. Children who bully may:
- hit or punch another child
- kick them or trip them up
- take or spoil their things
- call them names
- tease them
- give them nasty looks
- threaten them
- make racist remarks about them
- spread nasty rumours or stories about them
- not let them join in play or games
- spread nasty rumours and stories by text message or on social
networking websites
- not talk to them - 'send them to Coventry'.
Victims find it difficult to defend themselves. Bullying
usually happens again and again, and can go on for a long time
unless something is done about it.
How common is bullying?
Bullying is common and happens in all schools. Surveys in
this country have shown that half of primary school pupils and one
in 10 secondary school pupils in England are being
bullied.
Why does it happen?
There is no single reason why some children become bullies or
victims. Children who are aggressive are more likely to become
bullies. They pick on children who appear different in some
way - those who are quiet, shy, alone at playtime, and unable
to defend themselves. Children who have an illness
or disability or who are overweight are also more likely
to be bullied.
What effects does bullying have?
Being bullied can seriously affect a child's physical and
mental health. This can include:
- feeling sad and lonely
- lacking confidence and feeling bad about themselves
- becoming depressed or even suicidal
- complaining of various physical symptoms e.g. headaches,
stomach aches
- worrying and trying to avoid going to school.
These problems can carry on long after the bullying has
stopped.
Young people are often ashamed, embarrassed, and may believe
they deserve it. Many children are frightened of telling because
they fear the bullies will find out and hurt them even more. It can
take great courage to tell an adult.
Who and what can help?
Parents
- Be open to the possibility that your child might be
being bullied. Some parents may not think of bullying as a
possible reason for their child's unhappiness.
- Listen. One of the most important things you
can do is to listen to your child if they say they are being
bullied. It can be very difficult for them to talk to anyone about
it.
- Take your child seriously. Many children
suffer in silence for a long time before they tell anyone.
- Do not blame the child. Being bullied is not
their fault.
- Reassure them that they were right to tell
you.
- Do not promise to keep the bullying a secret.
Something must be done about it. Reassure your child that you, and
the teachers, will make sure that things do not get worse because
they have told you.
- Tell the school so they can stop it. Teachers
don't always know that a child is being bullied.
- Find out if there is an anti-bullying programme in the
school.
- Talk with your child and work out ways of solving the
problem. Include your child in decisions about how to
tackle the problem. For example, work out some practical ways for
them to stop the bullying. You might discuss what they should say
back if they are called names, or where it's safe to go at
playtime.
School
Bullying happens in every school, so every school should have
an anti-bullying programme. They should make it clear that they
won't allow bullying or aggressive behaviour. Schools should take
every incident of bullying seriously.
Schools can obtain an anti-bullying pack from the Department
for Education. There are a number of agencies that can offer advice
and help in how to set up effective programmes (see below
for sources of further information).
Other professionals who can help
Children whose health has been affected may benefit from some
specialist help from their general practitioner, school nurse, a
social worker or an educational psychologist. Children with
emotional problems quite often need these to be treated directly,
even if the school has managed the bullying. Your general
practitioner can refer your to your child to a child and adolescent
mental health service.
If your child has special educational needs, discuss this with
the school who may refer your child to the Special Educational
Needs Coordinator (SENCO).
References
Sources of further information
- ChildLine provides a
free and confidential telephone service for children: Helpline 0800
1111
- Kidscape provide advice,
run training courses and produce helpful booklets and information
about bullying. Or you may want to look at this
website:
- www.bullying.co.uk/
- The Mental Health and Growing Up series contains 36
factsheets on a range of common mental health problems. To order
the pack, contact Book Sales at the Royal College of Psychiatrists,
17 Belgrave Square, London SW1X 8PG; tel: 020 7235 2351, ext. 146;
fax: 020 7245 1231; e-mail: booksales@rcpsych.ac.uk, or
you can download them from this website.
© September 2011. Royal College of Psychiatrists.
Reviewed by the Royal College of Psychiatrists' Child and Family
Public Education Editorial Board.
This factsheet may be downloaded, printed out, photocopied and
distributed free of charge as long as the Royal College of
Psychiatrists is properly credited and no profit is gained from its
use. Permission to reproduce it in any other way must be obtained
from the Head of
Publications. The College does not allow reposting of its
factsheets on other sites, but allows them to be linked to
directly.
Please note that we are unable to offer advice on individual cases. Please see our FAQ for advice on getting help.
Please answer the following questions and press 'submit' to send your answers OR
E-mail your responses to dhart@rcpsych.ac.uk
On each line, click on the mark which most closely reflects how you feel about
the statement in the left hand column.
Your answers will help us to make this leaflet more useful - please try to rate
every item.
Did you look at this leaflet because you are a (maximum of 2 categories
please):
Age group (please tick correct box)