Good for their memory and good for your soul: the art of the obituary

By Dr Claire Hilton, Honorary Archivist at the RCPsych. 

What can possibly be good for someone else’s memory and, at the same time, good for your soul? The answer is: writing an obituary. Of course, none of us wants to write obituaries, especially about people close to us. An obituary though, is a celebration of the life of an individual, with the death being the hook for its publication.

There has been a shift in the style of obituaries in British newspapers, away from the traditional ‘of the dead, speak nothing but good’ toward an honest interpretation of the person’s life. Another shift is towards writing about ‘ordinary’ people rather than just those who have achieved wide acclaim (or notoriety). Ordinary people are the likes of you and me and those we encounter day-to-day, our neighbours and friends, role models, teachers and patients, individuals who directly shape our lives.  That shift was in part stimulated by the tragedies of 9/11 (2001) and 7/7 (2005). It was after 7/7 that the Guardian started its ‘ Other lives’ column—about ordinary people, out of the public gaze, who have achieved extraordinary things. Some of them have amazing life stories, even more so than the (in)famous.

Currently the RCPsych celebrates the lives of psychiatrists on the pages of BJPsych Bulletin and on the website. BJPsych Bulletin publishes both an annual in memoriam list of members and fellows whose deaths have been notified to the college, and ‘ tributes to psychiatrists who have made a significant contribution to the specialty, or related fields, at national or international level.’ The College’s obituaries webpage also presents in memoriam lists, and although it only has a few narrative obituaries, just like the Guardian’s ‘Other lives’, they are often inspirational.

The first obituary listed in the Asylum Journal of Mental Science, forerunner of BJPsych and BJPsych Bulletin, Vol 1, p 48.

Keeping in mind that remembering a deceased person is part of many traditions, secular and religious, let’s suppose you are in a situation that someone who you know has died, and you would like to write about them. Regarding members and fellows of the RCPsych, the easy bit is to find instructions as to what is necessary to include and how to submit it (for RCPsych website; for BJPsych Bulletin). The harder bit is to write a readable life story in under 1,000 words, which brings the memory of that person to life. The main guiding principle is to be scrupulously honest. You want your reader to imagine that they are meeting the person and getting to know them. Readers may include bereaved relatives, medical students and doctors considering a career in the field, people who knew the deceased long ago, and others who have never even met a psychiatrist. 

Some people write their own obituaries, but the majority do not, and perhaps you are the most suitable person to do it for them. Here then are some tips, along the lines which I follow on the few occasions when the honour of writing an obituary has fallen to me.

1. Remember that an obituary is a life story written for a public readership, not a CV put into sentences. Read some obituaries, such as in BJPsych Bulletin, on the RCPsych website and in the national press, which demonstrate a narrative style.
2. Read the instructions for authors, particularly noting word count, types of images accepted, and information which is essential to include.
3. Let the relevant obituaries editor know that you are writing it so as not to have two or more obituaries submitted on the same person (for the website obituaries@rcpsych.ac.uk; for BJPsych Bulletin honorary.archivist@rcpsych.ac.uk). The website may be able to accept more than one obituary, but BJPsych Bulletin does not have page space to do that.
4. Focus on the person as a human being. The hows and whys of their lives and careers, the challenges, opportunities and inspiration which came their way, and the choices they made, are as important and interesting as what they did.
5. Include anecdotes.
6. Avoid superficial platitudes, and statements such as that they “always” did something or were “the most [e.g. popular, kind, hardworking] ever”, or “the best at…” are unlikely to be correct.  

Make every effort to speak with the bereaved family and work with them:

1. Fit round their emotional and practical needs and don’t rush them.
2. Detailed discussion about the deceased is usually easier after the funeral.
3. Use open questions as far as possible.
4. Ask for anecdotes.
5. Clarify facts such as the deceased’s parents’ names, occupations and socio-cultural background.
6. Ask the family for a photograph or other image which they would like to be included with the text; there may be some wait for that as they may want to look for what they consider the most appropriate.
7. Let the family read the obituary before submitting it: they may well have suggestions regarding some of the more nuanced subtleties and may spot small factual errors which will need correcting.

Ann Wroe, who edits obituaries for the Economist said that it has had only three obituaries’ editors since 1995: ‘ It’s such a nice job that nobody wants to give it up’.

I have written a few obituaries about people I have known. I am grateful for having been given the opportunity to do so.  Each has been a profoundly moving experience, good for their memory and good for my soul.